Saturday, January 23, 2010

How to Sabotage Your Workout

Here is a good guide on how to get the most ineffective workout possible. See if you recognize yourself. If not, incorporate some or all of these to be sure you don't get the results you want.

Get too little or too much sleep the night before.

Cool. Getting too little sleep shouldn't be a problem. I'll just eat a big carb-loaded meal late, top it off with some stimulating TV, play around on the computer, let the kids stay up too late and pick a fight with my spouse. Then I'll have a late night drink to calm down but read something that fires me up right before I go to sleep. I'll be sure the room is too warm and hopefully that late night drink will have me get up in the night to go to the bathroom. Awesome! If I have to go to work the next day I'll set the alarm to get up early and hit the snooze at least 3 times. If it's a Saturday I'll sleep in really late so that I can't get going all day. Got that one down!

Drink everything but water during the day.

This one shouldn't be a problem. I'll start the day with half a pot of coffee (I like a little coffee with my cream and sugar). I'll stop and get a 42 oz diet soft drink on the way to work (helps me get through my morning meetings). At lunch I'll drink another diet soft drink or maybe one of those big cups of sweet tea from the deli. I'll try to squeeze in my workout on my way home from work because we'll meet some friends for drinks before dinner (more sweet tea). Before we leave for dinner I'll probably finish off the rest of a juice box one of the kids wasted. Then maybe a glass of wine before bed. Oh, but should I sip water from the water fountain at the gym?

Hit the gym without a plan.

Super, one less thing I have to think about. That will give me more time to plan for lunch with clients, that big meeting this week, updating my status on my social media sites, my child's birthday party and which outfit makes me look the least fat for Saturday night out with friends. Wonder should I go try to find something new since I only have one pair of pants that aren't way too tight? Anyway, I won't have to work so hard in the gym because I can take my time figuring out which move comes next. That will be easy because I'll just choose the ones I like best. Hey, maybe Bob will be there so we can talk! I've heard resistance training is good, so maybe I'll do a few bicep curls, cheat on some bench presses and throw in some crunches, but I really like riding the elliptical so I can watch my favorite show or read a book. I'm thinking too much! But whatever, it still counts because I went to the gym and did something, right?

Eat high calorie, low nutritional value foods inconsistently throughout the day.

Are you kidding? I've got this one covered. I'll skip breakfast because I put so much fat and sugar in my coffee it fills me up, plus I have lots of energy! Hmmm...that mid morning slump will mean I can't make it until lunch, so is it okay if I grab something out of the break room machine or a pastry someone brought in? Oh yeah, we have a meeting that starts right after lunch so I'll just grab something from the fast food place across the street, if I even get to do that. I'll do pretty well on this tip though because I never plan for lunch and pack anything from home. Susie always has some candy or chips or something at her desk if I get hungry in the afternoon. That'll get me through the day until I can make it to our big dinner tonight! My favorite Italian restaurant! Can you say pasta-rama?! Then maybe I can rummage around in the fridge after everyone is in bed and the house is finally quiet.

There you go! You won't be eating much but you can still have all your favorite foods. You can say you go to the gym, but you won't have to work hard. You'll be able to continue your sleep deprivation without having to change, and who likes water anyway? These tips should at least get you started in the wrong direction and if you're lucky it might even snowball from there!

What is your favorite tip for sabotaging a workout?

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6 comments:

greenteagrl said...

This post made me laugh because these are things I've told myself SO many times before. It's so freeing to stop lying to yourself!

One of my favorites is on a Sunday...well I better eat all the bad stuff in my house today, because I'm starting fresh on Monday. Sunday after Sunday goes by and I'm still telling myself the same thing! Good thing THAT sabotaging cycle is long gone!

Thanks for the laugh. :)
Julie

Kelley Moore said...

You are right that facing the truth brings freedom! I had fun doing this post - it's things I've done to myself in the past, old habits I fall into if I don't watch it, and also things I see my friends do. I've done the very same thing you talked about, eating bad on Sunday and starting fresh on Monday. That's a very hard mindset to overcome! Thanks for your comment! k

Steven said...

Brilliant! It's posts like these that make people realize how silly some of the defeatist self-talk can damage their routine.

Smoketheblowfish said...

Chuck Norris can jump-start a car by attaching jumper cables to his nipples

back on topic:

KM, I believe you've directly nailed the "Three Deadliest Sins to Sabotage". If I were to add one more, it would be over-training. Over-training is the Kryptonite to fat burning..it ranks right up there with too many carbs right before bed time.

On a personal level...when things aren't going right, I'm not getting enough sleep.


excellent post again

mikez

Kelley Moore said...

Hey Steven, it's nice to meet you and thanks for your comment! It is quite amazing how much the things going on in your head can impact your progress in so many ways. Glad to get connected with you! k

Kelley Moore said...

Smoke, LOVE the Chuck Norris fact, haha. Overtraining is a great one to add!! So true that it will completely backfire on you - rest and recovery is critical. I can't say for sure that I've ever truly hit that point, but I've been close enough to figure out my performance and progress were impaired. In fact, I just made Jimmy take an entire week off. He thought I was nuts and then hit the gym again tonight and didn't miss a beat, felt stronger.

I used to be able to function without enough sleep, now I can't even if I wanted to! k